Thursday, November 10, 2005
Sri Aurobindo
“The only work that purifies spiritually is the work done without personal motives, without concern for renown or reputation of men or the honours of this world, without putting forward one’s own mental motives…..it is work done for the love of the Divine alone and ordered by the Divine.”
Saturday, November 05, 2005
In a Nutshell
So it is now one month since I embarked upon my trip to Egypt. I feel its time to give myself an overview of the trip as a whole.
The Main Issues
The main issues that came up for me were: control, surrender, trust and gratitude, integrity, vulnerability, leadership, power, discernment and humility.
Last night I read the transcript of the Kuthumi channelling www.lightweaver.co.za that took place on the Saturday before we left for Egypt. Much of the first part describes how the karmic pattern that members of the group are ending is related to issues of control. Kuthumi says: “All of you will be faced with the aspect of yourself that chooses to try and control.” When I arrived in Egypt I had not yet heard this channelling. When I did finally get to listen to a recording that Conrad had made on his iPod I had to laugh. You may remember my adventures on my journey from home with a delayed flight and a lost bag. My dark night of the soul in Cairo was all about my frustration and fear at my loss of control. Finally I understood the meaning of surrender, trust and gratitude:
Surrender means dealing with each moment as it arises and following your truth in that situation. In other words not making endless contingency plans – letting go of control. Trusting that you will be able to do this because you will always be guided and protected for your higher good. Expressing Gratitude for the protection and guidance that you receive, for your connection to the divine.
Integrity was another major issue for me in Egypt; the attributes of vulnerability, leadership, power and discernment were all connected to this. This is still very much a current issue for me and of course whenever something is uppermost you can guarantee that the Universe will contribute fully to light the way. Here are some quotes about integrity from a book I’m reading at the moment called “The Gentle art of Blessing” by Pierre Pradevand:
“Integrity is a quality of being. It is holding on to that which you know to be your highest sense of truth and vision at all times, whatever the cost. It is resonating with that deepest fibre of your being which urges you to peacefully but firmly hold your ground whatever the supposed prestige of the authority or person opposing you – not out of stubbornness, but prompted by the quiet daring of that inner urge in you which says:
‘ This above all: to thine own self be true.’
It means following your highest sense of right at all times,……..”
“Above all integrity means refusing to cheat yourself, to lie to yourself, or abide the doubtful shadow of half-truths……….when you lie to yourself , who is there to forgive you?….who will pick you up?……….Then only grace can save you.”
This last quote resonates deeply. This was the dark blockage in the heart chakra of our tour guide. This was the path that I was tempted to follow until I remembered my angel card and asked for help. Once I decided to follow the path of integrity the mists cleared, so to speak. My confusion and indecision ended to be replaced by simple clarity.
Where am I now?
I feel in a very different place to where I was before the trip. I feel very centred and strangely calm. For most of this year I had a strange feeling, almost a sense of foreboding about the autumn. It was very difficult to explain. My feeling was that there was some sort of big shift coming which would challenge me significantly and that I would need a fair amount of free time to deal with it. I found it very difficult to book anything into my schedule and still cannot even contemplate booking in anything that would be difficult or costly to cancel e.g. mind, body & spirit-type shows.
I have no doubt that my experiences recently in Egypt constitute the seismic shift I saw coming for all those months. Right now I feel that I am in a phase of integration although I am not really completely aware of what is being integrated! When I recovered from the Pharoah’s Revenge I had an explosion of mental activity where I needed to sort and file all my experiences, hence all the blogging. Now however I feel more like lying down in a darkened room to let whatever needs to happen happen! The last few meditations and healings I’ve participated in have been very powerful and I’ve gone off into some very deep place. I learned from someone that if your light body is off doing stuff you tend to feel suddenly rather blasted. I’ve been having that experience recently on emerging from a meditation or healing. So if you see me hanging around anywhere etheric do let me know won’t you?
The Main Issues
The main issues that came up for me were: control, surrender, trust and gratitude, integrity, vulnerability, leadership, power, discernment and humility.
Last night I read the transcript of the Kuthumi channelling www.lightweaver.co.za that took place on the Saturday before we left for Egypt. Much of the first part describes how the karmic pattern that members of the group are ending is related to issues of control. Kuthumi says: “All of you will be faced with the aspect of yourself that chooses to try and control.” When I arrived in Egypt I had not yet heard this channelling. When I did finally get to listen to a recording that Conrad had made on his iPod I had to laugh. You may remember my adventures on my journey from home with a delayed flight and a lost bag. My dark night of the soul in Cairo was all about my frustration and fear at my loss of control. Finally I understood the meaning of surrender, trust and gratitude:
Surrender means dealing with each moment as it arises and following your truth in that situation. In other words not making endless contingency plans – letting go of control. Trusting that you will be able to do this because you will always be guided and protected for your higher good. Expressing Gratitude for the protection and guidance that you receive, for your connection to the divine.
Integrity was another major issue for me in Egypt; the attributes of vulnerability, leadership, power and discernment were all connected to this. This is still very much a current issue for me and of course whenever something is uppermost you can guarantee that the Universe will contribute fully to light the way. Here are some quotes about integrity from a book I’m reading at the moment called “The Gentle art of Blessing” by Pierre Pradevand:
“Integrity is a quality of being. It is holding on to that which you know to be your highest sense of truth and vision at all times, whatever the cost. It is resonating with that deepest fibre of your being which urges you to peacefully but firmly hold your ground whatever the supposed prestige of the authority or person opposing you – not out of stubbornness, but prompted by the quiet daring of that inner urge in you which says:
‘ This above all: to thine own self be true.’
It means following your highest sense of right at all times,……..”
“Above all integrity means refusing to cheat yourself, to lie to yourself, or abide the doubtful shadow of half-truths……….when you lie to yourself , who is there to forgive you?….who will pick you up?……….Then only grace can save you.”
This last quote resonates deeply. This was the dark blockage in the heart chakra of our tour guide. This was the path that I was tempted to follow until I remembered my angel card and asked for help. Once I decided to follow the path of integrity the mists cleared, so to speak. My confusion and indecision ended to be replaced by simple clarity.
Where am I now?
I feel in a very different place to where I was before the trip. I feel very centred and strangely calm. For most of this year I had a strange feeling, almost a sense of foreboding about the autumn. It was very difficult to explain. My feeling was that there was some sort of big shift coming which would challenge me significantly and that I would need a fair amount of free time to deal with it. I found it very difficult to book anything into my schedule and still cannot even contemplate booking in anything that would be difficult or costly to cancel e.g. mind, body & spirit-type shows.
I have no doubt that my experiences recently in Egypt constitute the seismic shift I saw coming for all those months. Right now I feel that I am in a phase of integration although I am not really completely aware of what is being integrated! When I recovered from the Pharoah’s Revenge I had an explosion of mental activity where I needed to sort and file all my experiences, hence all the blogging. Now however I feel more like lying down in a darkened room to let whatever needs to happen happen! The last few meditations and healings I’ve participated in have been very powerful and I’ve gone off into some very deep place. I learned from someone that if your light body is off doing stuff you tend to feel suddenly rather blasted. I’ve been having that experience recently on emerging from a meditation or healing. So if you see me hanging around anywhere etheric do let me know won’t you?
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Truth and Lies
So what is the difference? When is a lie not a lie? Is it when the liar really, really believes the lie? In that case is it still a lie? Take a look at the photo, there’s a wonderful story of truth and lies associated with it that I’ll get around to in a minute. (Thanks to Horst for this picture).
I went to Egypt with no preconceptions about what I would find there, especially with regard to the Egyptian people. What happened was that I was really shocked by the lying and trickery. I guess I was a real innocent abroad for at least half of the trip, until I slowly began to get the idea.
Sue The Liar
I am quite possibly the world’s worst liar – to the endless entertainment of my family. The problem I have is that what I am thinking is usually written very clearly on my face. This can be a real problem in social situations especially as Roger, my partner, is an actor. We occasionally go to see productions in London featuring one of our friends. What do you say in the bar afterwards if it was a terrible show? Even worse, what do you say if your friend gave a terrible performance? Tricky when you’re someone who can’t lie.
Because I am pathologically honest I tend to assume that anyone I come into contact with is telling me the truth. Until I find out that they are not. This made me an easy target initially when I arrived in Egypt. Fortunately I caught on eventually and being in a group helped as I was able to learn from the experiences of others. I would have been stripped of all my cash after a couple of days if I’d been alone I’m sure of it.
Integrity
Apart from losing cash there was something worse I could have lost – my integrity. Before I left for Egypt I drew an angel card to give me a focus for the trip. The card was “Integrity”. As often happens with these cards, I was not really sure what this meant for me at the time when I picked it out of the box. It was later that its significance dawned on me.
There seems to be a particular type of lying and trickery that happens, well to the tourists at least, that involves a sort of distortion and even wilful blindness of the truth. For example our tour guide led me on a real old merry dance, so much so that I am still not sure of the boundary between what was true and what not so. It is and was very confusing. Much of the confusion arises from the fact that he genuinely seemed to believe what he was saying. Integrity came to my rescue. I firmly stepped forward into that camp as I saw how far out of it he was.
It made me think a lot about the nature of truth and lies, especially the lies we tell to ourselves. If we believe these lies firmly enough then those around us will often believe them too. But to lie is to lose your integrity whether you are lying to yourself or to the supermarket that has undercharged you. Each time we do something, however small, that causes us to lose integrity we block the flow of light. Where light is blocked there is darkness. My work and my perceptions are largely kinaesthetic so it was extremely revealing to me when I gave some healing to our tour guide. Here I was able to pick up what was truly going on and it was quite shocking. There was a darkness in this man’s heart chakra and the blockage causing this was not moving. Here was the truth at last.
The Donkey’s Tale
On a lighter note here is a great story that illustrates this extraordinary jumble of truth and lies that I found in Egypt. See the picture at the start of the blog?
After we had had the amazing experience in the Great Pyramid (see earlier blog-stuff) we were taken to a viewing point where it is possible to see all 3 pyramids together. Of course this spot is a magnet for traders and camel drivers. There are stalls selling knick-knacks and guys trying to entice you onto their camels for short trips across the dunes. Also there are many tourists crowding forward to take photographs of the view of the pyramids. It is certainly a great view but I was having a problem with the numbers of people. So I moved down the side of the sand dune a little. There was a dip at the bottom before the next sand dune rose up. In the dip there was the donkey in the picture, standing all alone. Idalize went to investigate, followed by Horst with his camera. In a flash the guy in the picture appeared from nowhere and plonked Idalize on the donkey’s back.
“Come, come, take picture. No money. No money.” Horst approached with his camera. “Come, no money.” The guy kept insisting. He tried to draw me over too but I turned away. I was fascinated by the unfolding drama though, there had to be a trick here. But what was it?
“Take photo. No money.” Now the guy was persuading Horst to give him the camera and he was taking a shot of Horst standing with Idalize and the donkey. At the end of this performance (which went on for some time) Horst felt he ought to give the guy something as a show of gratitude. So he offered him two Egyptian pounds.
“No, no.” Said the guy. “Is 20 pounds.” Horst was taken aback.
“But you said ‘No money’”. Without a flicker the guy replied:
“Is not for me. Is for donkey.”
